You may or may not know that I had a radio show on the Law Of Attraction Radio Network for close to a year – the Give Away A Dollar A Day show. I was excited when I first started it, but soon realized that it was taking quite a bit of time to prepare for each show. That’s probably my perfectionist at work, but I don’t partake in any new venture without giving it more than 100%.
Why is this a big deal? Because what I really want to do is play, create, and compose music. That’s what makes my heart light up. I was doing the radio show at the wishes of others and to try and get the idea of Give Away A Dollar A Day out there even more. But what I was really doing was spending more time preparing for the show, which meant less time with music. So I knew that I needed to make a decision. And quite honestly, my heart was no longer in the show.
My last “officially scheduled” show was today, a show that I had set up with my guest around eight months ago. Because I had lost my juice for doing the show, I was hoping that my guest had forgotten about eight months later. Well, there was a lesson for me in this, because my guest hadn’t forgotten… In fact, he emailed me two days before the show asking if it was still a go. My first response to him was, “Yes, it’s still scheduled”. But I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t prepared at all. I really didn’t know what we were going to talk about. I didn’t even want to do the show. I called him on the phone and was honest about closing the show down. I suggested to him that we not do it, and he seemed OK with it. (Although, if I was in his shoes, I would have been pissed at the lack of integrity I had displayed by not letting him know sooner).
What was my real lesson in this? Well, I think there were a few… To begin with, I was not “letting go” of the show that I really didn’t want to do anymore. I want to play music, not run a radio show. So, in truth, the one I was out of integrity with was myself. Secondly, I was afraid to tell my guest that I wanted to cancel, because I thought that he would hate me, or reject me, or both. So when I canceled the show, I took that risk. The risk of rejection. But somehow, I felt clean, and relieved.
I think the overall story in this is honesty. I had to look at myself in the mirror and ask, “Am I really being honest with me right now?”
Thank you, I just needed to say this.
Blessings,
Todd